notes on november

not much, but so much too.

**just like my last monthly memo, this format is entirely inspired by

isobel hope

‘s lovely field notes posts!!**

While October felt long, lively and full of so many things, November passed in the glimpse of snow flutter and a lot of homework. The weather got more grey, the temperatures dropped, and the realisation that the semester is coming to a close dawned on me. Time passing is terrifying to me at the moment. I find myself further and further from all the used to be’s, and no closer to where I thought things would be.

Yet, I am right where I ought to be and couldn’t be more grateful.

Moments (With Photos!)

• Polar plunging with Craig followed by sauna

• Madi’s birthday dinner and hot tubbing

• Craig’s birthday party was just so funny

• Walking along a little stream and eventually overlooking a large lake

• Montreal Fog, croissants, and dog scouting with Phillip

• Book launch

• Baked banana bread x 3

• Late library night with Julien and oranges (Pictured below)

  

  

  

  november pictured!

• Coffee-run with Madi to a new favourite cafe

• Friendsgiving at Alice’s!

• My Christmas package from home (Pictured above: chocolate, candy, tea)

• A funny trivia night with work

• Floor chats with Madi and Alina

• Chocolate-milk-cheering and Olivia Rodrigo in the kitchen

• Buying apricots and munching them with Anna

• The loveliest chocolate orange latte I have ever had with Sophia

• Bananagrams and chocolate cereal at midnight

• Driving through Montreal at night and seeing the multi-coloured Christmas lights (despite being a gold Christmas light supporter)

• Madi trying to print her 52-page paper and nothing working while absolutely cackling in the library

• Plateau and vegan donut day with Madi

  • Included a very kind spice store lady and mushroom man who believed in my French abilities

Quotes

• “If you go home with someone and they have no books, you really shouldn’t sleep with them” - Speaker at the book launch

• “I carry her with me” - Madi, on childhood friendships

Excerpt of the Month

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

- Louise Erdrich (From The Painted Drum)

This feels like such a dramatic excerpt — I am totally okay!

I just really like the emphasis on taking in the moments, the feelings, the bad and the good. It is so easy to get caught up in regret, in wonderings, instead of appreciating what was and will be. I love the idea of being sat under an apple tree too.

Some Reviews

• Jerry’s Chocolate Orange Latte

  • 12/10. Actually the most delicious drink I have ever had. I love that it doesn’t taste like coffee but gives me a caffeine kick.

• The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes/The Hunger Games 4

  • 10/10 Very true to the book, which I thought was a very well-written book. Very well done, doesn’t get boring despite being literally 3 hours long.

• Modern Love (The TV show, not the concept)

  • 7/10 Some episodes are better than others. I like how many different types of love they address.

• La Beignerie

  • 10/10 always the most delicious donuts and the people there are so nice.

• The Word (Used bookstore, me pictured reading outside above)

  • 9/10 very very cozy. I bought the Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolff there for a looney.

• Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

  • 6/10 I like this book, I do. It is just taking me literally 2 months to get through it so I clearly am not that captivated by it.

Songs

• Almost by Hozier

• The Love That I Give by Samantha McKaige

• Me & All My Friends Have Got The Blues by Theo Kandel

• Shaky in the Knees by Grizfolk

• Rivers and Roads by The Head and The Heart

• Sober by Wim Tabley

• Hello Sunshine by Lemony Rug and Luke Noa

Rose

Losing people you love never gets easier. I don’t think grief is something which shrinks, instead you grow bigger around it. You become more flexible, managing somehow to fit it into your everyday activities, tucking it away to do the things. Its persistent presence doesn’t mean it has to determine all that you do, not at all. It just means it does reside within you, and as time goes on, for the most part it is well-behaved, but sometimes it lashes out.

Earlier this month, grief felt too big to sit in my body. I woke up with the feeling that a black mass was sitting on my chest, that some long-nailed creature had scratched up the inside of my lungs, making it hard to breathe.

Yet, I got up. I drank my Earl Grey with oat milk. I did my pilates before going on my daily morning stroll. I laughed with my friends until my stomach hurt, and they listened to me while I cried, hugging me and making sure I felt loved. I did all the things I wanted to do despite the heaviness in my chest. After some time, the heaviness lifted and I felt lighter than I have in a really long time. The heaviness does, of course, return on some days, but I know how to walk it off, talk it off, write it off.

The longer I have grappled with grief, the more I realize it is just love in a heavy coat (This metaphor is from Shannon Lee Barry). I am grateful and proud of the love that I have given, that I give, and that I will continue to give.

Also, finding another set of Invisalign when I thought I had lost my last pair, the day of my dentist appointment. Saved me 750 dollars. Thank the literal lord for that.

Thorn

Where the ?!heCk!? are the clementines this season???? By now, I have normally eaten at least 6 crates, and cannot be seen on the move without carrying one. This year though, I haven’t been able to locate a single one. Am I going crazy? Are they sold out already? Feeling very upset.

Bud

I made myself scrambled eggs for the first time in a very very long time. They were pretty delicious.